Thursday, September 03, 2009
i had the strangest dreams. i dreamt twice last night, kept drifting in and out of sleep. somehow.
here comes the funny part! i dreamt that i had a new younger brother like whaaaaaaaaat? and so did kiwi HAHAH. hmmm both around ten months old! and i almost suffocated my "brother" accidentally ): then i was quite scared but when i looked at him he smiled back at me and was alive (:
as i fell back asleep, i felt myself falling again. i didnt open my eyes to break the fall, i just let myself be taken away. it was one of those dreams again, those dreams ive always had. those that command andrenaline to conquer. so i ran. and trepidation, palpitation, anxiety overwhelmed my whole being. again, i didnt know where i was running to - just somewhere, away from where i reside. chasing dreams are not unfamiliar to me, and running away in those dreams is just not unexpected. it's been a while since i last tried running away. perhaps it was my strength that fought away those dreams. yet it lost last night. now i recall those dreams i had. were they really nightmares? some recurring ones, perhaps they are. sometimes i wake up, knowing ive made a sweet dream in the night, but somehow memory just fails me. yet it's strange how i recall so vividly those dreams of escapism, and everytime i dream of running away again scenes from past nightmares flood in and i just feel weak all over again. everytime that happens, i feel as if i have lost the fight. those dreams have a common motive : to show me that any attempt at running away is fruitless.
as she cried herself to sleep, she wished so hard you would be there to hold her, but even as she tried to imagine that was so, she knew you may always be too far away.
It's a beautiful disguise.